Disclaimer: if you have no desire to hear me whine, DO NOT read this!!! You've been warned
Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel so down? You don't really have a reason but you feel somewhat amiss? I've been having those days alot lately. My DD and her family have finally moved out after what was supposed to be two months that turned into seven. Now, before I go on, I have to admit I was the one that wanted them to move back from Colorado. I missed seeing my granddaughter grow up and I did miss my DD terribly. We had our ups and downs when she was a teenager, like every mother and daughter do. There were times where I wished she wasn't here, (such a bad thought), but it's the truth. There were times when I just didn't want to hear her complaining or whining or just being downright hurtful but, she was my daughter afterall and we, as mothers, are suppose to love unconditionally, right? Ugh, I remember times when we would have an argument and I would hear some hurtful things come out of her mouth...I would just break down and cry. Asking God why she was so mean and never got an answer, or at least I didn't think I got one. I would call my own mother and ask her "did I ever treat you that way?" She assured me that I may not have said or done those particular things, but that I had had my own bad times...Really? I guess we don't see our own faults most of the time.When she left home after graduation I was somewhat relieved to see her go. I figured time apart would do us some good...after all she was only moving across the State, not more than six hours away. I could go visit or she could come here for long weekends. After about eight months and a handful of visits, she decided to move to Colorado for whatever reason. Ugh, that was ssooo far away and it hurt. We had begun to build a "friendship" rather than a mother/daughter relationship and I was happy with the time we spent together. Now she was moving 16 hours away and I couldn't just say, "I'm coming out for the weekend, or do you wanna come home for such and such holiday?." While she was out in Colorado she met her now husband. They came once for a visit and he seemed like a nice enough guy. I didn't know much about him, but if she loved him that was good enough for me. We talked for hours on the phone, texted back and forth or sent email to each other and again, our "friendship" seemed to grow more and more. When she called me the day before Mother's day to tell me that I was going to be a grandma I broke. She was so young, but what was done was done. I told her that of all things, she DID NOT have to get married because she was pregnant! She assured me that was not part of her plan. This was unexpectant, but marriage was not in her vocabulary. A few days later she called to tell me that Mike had proposed and she accepted. Ugh, didn't I just say that you DIDN'T have to get married? Mike called us the next day and told us that he had already bought the ring and was going to propose when they came home for her dad's birthday the following month...Well, ok then, but wait...make it a long engagement, make sure this is really what you guys want and not just for the baby. Don't get married before the baby, let's have a real wedding, etc. And they did...Miss Bella was born on December 31st of 2009 and they got married June 26th of 2010. Wow, almost a year already...This past October my DD had come home with her family to surprise me for my birthday...again, we were still "friends". I was so elated and surprised. I couldn't believe they would want to make that 16 hour drive for a couple of days. When it was time to go, she asked if I would like for them to move back to S. Dakota...well, duh, what do you think? So we made plans to help them move back here. Shortly before Thanksgiving she and Miss Bella came and her husband came shortly before Christmas. The plan was she was going to look for work and they should have their own place by February. Her husband got a job transfer here and was promised all sorts of things...too bad those promises weren't kept. Well, when you put two families in one house, you can imagine, if you haven't gone through it yourself, that times can become strained. Tempers can flair and our "friendship" went out the window. The last few months have been a strain on the entire family, theirs and ours. Moving day finally came and I was soooo happy. I wanted to dance in the street...so why am I so down? You tell me...I've been looking for that answer everywhere, so if you can put your finger on it, I would truly love to hear it.
Tonight I needed to finish up some blog work and jumped over to Getting Cricky just to see if she had blogged today. I do go over there every day at least once, but I hadn't had a chance all day. Well...she had the most inspirational message out there...I swear she hears me when I am not even talking to her. She and I talk quite a bit, but she has no idea that I am feeling like this right now. The following is just a small exert from her post, but it is exactly what I needed to hear:
Pulled from Getting Cricky: "Getting lots of things, a new house, a new car, the best phone, every craft supply you can think of....none of it will make you happy until you SERVE others and awaken your heart. Take 5 minutes. Find a mirror and look very deeply at yourself. Go ahead, your brain will tell you--look at this...you are so fat, you are so old, your nose is crooked, if only you go back to the GLORY days.
NOW...open your heart. Say to your BRAIN. Thes are the GLORY days--THESE are the best days of my Life. I will never be younger, smarter, or better than I am right now. I'm taking control now. Say to your heart: MY HEART...I'm sorry I've let you go dormant. NO more my precious heart, ARISE my dear heart, AWAKEN, and LEAD me. You will feel a tingle--that is your heart awakening.
Then say a prayer asking God to show you favor, to awaken your heart, to expand your boundaries and you will use it ALL to God's glory, and then ask him to open your eyes. Open my eyes Lord to the speed of Life. Open my eyes Lord to see others in my life who need my SERVICE. Help me to SERVE today Lord, and stir my heart.
Take note; today will be very different my precious friend. The old days are over; the new days are here. Your heart is awakening, and Life is going to look a little different when you step outside, look around, and notice others and ways to serve.
Be fore-warned--it will not be easy. There are many who will not appreicate your service, but there are many that will. Make it in YOUR heart to do this for YOU, for your precious heavenly Father."
Now she is also giving away some blog candy, but please don't just go over there to try to win it, go there to read her words and absorb them. I think she might just be that angel sent to watch over us ... or just me...hehehehe
Now I don't know exactly what I am going to do yet, but it will come to me. He has a plan for me and when it comes I will know. Please go over to Kristal's blog if you haven't yet and leave her some love. She helps so many without even knowing it...I am so glad that I found her. Actually I truly believe she was sent to me somehow. There are many things you don't know about me and this is just a tiny fraction of my heart on my sleeve, but I just needed to divulge. I'm sorry if I bored you, or if you think I am throwing myself a pity party. Actually, this is more of a healing for me. Thanks to those of you that stayed with me this long and I hope I have not lost face with you.
So glad kristal words made u feel better. She has an amazing gift. I'll be praying for uReplyDelete
Your fellow dt member
My heart hurts for you, Brenda... I believe that prayer transcends time, so may you presently feel the prayers that have not yet been spoken. I pray that you will feel peace and know that you are held.ReplyDelete
First of all, I am a subscriber to your blog by email, so I opened up my email and see your regular post, which I always read. Well i start reading, then my heart starts leaping out of my chest, and humming!ReplyDelete
Im SO touched that God could use me even in a small way to lift your heart today.
Love in Christ,
Right with you sister. Sorry for your heavy heart. Trust me, i know how you feel. May your joy be renewed!ReplyDelete
Yiur DT sister
I needed to hear her message today too. I was getting obsessed with "I hate this town, why can't we move, I gotta get out of here, etc." and when I read her blog I remembered we are here for a reason...some of those I have already started to see, so I must be patient. I'm not good at that. I had to live with my parents for 6 months (along with hubby and 3 yr old son) when he left the Air Force and we were looking for a house. I remember saying to him "buy me a house~any house~before I say something to them I will regret." After we regained our freedom, the relationship with my parents was repaired. Hopefully the same with you ;)ReplyDelete
I have been feeling the same way you have been, but I cannot put my finger on it exactly. I'm so glad that Krital's message really helped you. I'm glad that you are feeling better and that everything is working out. Take care.ReplyDelete